Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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