So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
