that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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