he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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