3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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