And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
