YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
