My liver just broke up with me...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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