Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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