A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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