I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
