Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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