even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wish there were birth control emojis
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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