i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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