Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
