i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
