remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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