hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
