After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The power of my boobs compel you
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
