yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
