i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
