we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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