So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
