Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
