you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
