You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
