My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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