i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
