Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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