the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
