You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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