i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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