Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
