So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
