I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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