you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I did not marry a roomba.
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