I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
