I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
