i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Houston, we have a blender
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
