Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
