your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
