Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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