I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
