Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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