did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
