I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
