Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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