She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
