A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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