Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
