Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
