just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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