Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
