Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
