he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
false alarm, still single
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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