They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love having hate sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
