I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
