just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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