I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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