Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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