Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
