id be glad to
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This beer is not sobering me up at all
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
