Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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