if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
