I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
